Growing Old Isn't the Problem—Ageism Is

I first caught a glimpse of what it meant to grow old when I watched a doctor pat my 85 year-old aunt’s hand, but speak only to me. After explaining the diagnosis and treatment, only then did the physician speak to her, but not for long and not by name. “You take care of yourself, sweetie,” he said and then left.

Nora, the matriarch of our family, was the strongest woman I had ever known. She had survived the Depression, raising teenagers and living on the limited resources of Social Security. But that day, she was excluded from discussing her own medical treatment.

It was the first time I had seen her regarded as a child. I was annoyed; she was humiliated.

I heard it described once that if you live long enough, you’ll be treated like a guest that has stayed too long at the party. That day, I began to see this might be true. My aunt seemed to have lost the respect of being called by her name solely because she had stuck around for over 80 years.

If she was not being dismissed, she was surely diminished.

The bias, stereotypes and discrimination against people based on their age can be heartbreaking. Known as ageism, it can also be subtle – but no less damaging.

Everything from career opportunities, quality of life, social connections and even an individual’s self-worth can be impacted. Being portrayed as ineffectual, forgetful or out of touch simply because that is someone’s perception of what old means is cruel and wrong.

Ironically, we older adults often play a role in the self-fulfilling prophecy of aging that we learned growing up. Instead, we need to challenge ourselves by acknowledging the value, experience and potential that age can bring.

Growing old is not a problem to be solved. And pushing back does not mean denying the reality of your age. But instead of modeling the years as something to be regretted, we can defy ageism whenever we see it – whether in the workplace, in healthcare or even in our own casual conversations.

It’s past time to reject outdated stereotypes and recognize that an older person is an individual. And one who might also possess diverse talents, experiences and a worldly point of view. Someday, we might even look forward to this milestone.

But until then we can do better. Growing old is something we will all experience, if we’re lucky. Imagine the possibilities of a world if people were truly valued at every stage in life.